Whoa. I know it's been a long time since I last wrote. What, like a buttload of months? Well, there's a GREAT excuse for that. I have a GREAT excuse. I was uh...I was...in the shower. Yeah. It was a long one. So refreshing. Uh huh. Showering it up. So, now I'm clean and ready to go. I only speak the truth. Anyways, what was I saying?
Oh, ok, so we went in to have an ultrasound the morning of our anniversary. Spencer had a bunch of surprises planned and I was extremely excited. He's the best surprise-giver. Wow, I love that boy. I was also happy about the fact that we would get to have an ultrasound and see how that James was progressing.
We went...aaaaaaand it wasn't good. The doctor said that my water had dropped by half since last week, and James hadn't grown since our last ultrasound. He said, "We'd better get him out today." Ohhhhhhhhhhh kay. Seriously?! I felt like throwing up for several reasons. Allow me to enlighten you;
A. What if James wasn't ok? If they were worried enough to say he needed to come out five weeks early, something wasn't right. 2. My body sucked at being pregnant! What in the world? I mean, good night, how many women get pregnant and are just fine? I wanted to start punching myself to let my body know how disappointed I was in it's performance, but I figured the doctors would be slightly concerned if I started beating on my body. D. It was my anniversary! Sheesh! I didn't want to share it! Plus, now all of Spencer's surprises were ruined! I am a ruiner! 7. I wasn't ready! I figured I needed the rest of the five weeks to mentally prepare. There's no other way to describe it...I was terrified to have that baby! So, in short, I was admitted to the hospital.
I think the nurses thought I was a basket case because I could NOT stop crying. (refer back to reasons A-7) I blubbered and bawled all afternoon. Spencer then informed me that for our anniversary, he had booked a hotel room in Park City for two nights. Also, we would be missing Thriller, the Jazz game, and my favorite restaurant, The Bombay House. I started crying harder. I knew that James was way more important, but I could still be sad.
My mom and dad rushed to the hospital. It's a wonder they understood me on the phone through my heaving sobs. At the time, they had that idiotic rule that only two people could be in the room at a time because of the Swine Flu. Remember the Swine Flu? So stupid. So, when my mom and dad got there, Spencer had to go downstairs. I was so ticked at the Swine Flu. THANKS a bunch, kid in Mexico who played with pigs. You're making my day lots better! (that's what I was thinking. I also thought about sending him a mean letter in the mail. I'm mean.)
My doctor came in with a sad look on your face. "It's your anniversary!" she said. We had gotten close since I practically lived at her office. I started crying harder. Anyways, enough of my ridiculous behavior. I'm pretty ashamed of how I was acting and being so negative about everything.
SO, they started me on Pitocin. (Spencer kept running around talking to people on the phone telling them that they had started me on "Plitocin." It was cute, so I didn't correct him for awhile.) They didn't want to do a C-Section, so we began on the long journey of inducing labor. It took tons of time for me to start feeling contractions. I knew that I wanted to have an Epidural, though. If I can help myself out of pain, I'm gonna do it. I'm not knocking any of you mothers out there who opted to handle labor without any help, I'm just saying that for me, I wanted to be comfortable and relaxed so I could enjoy the experience. I waited a little before I asked for it, though. I wanted to feel really strong ones. Then I was like, "Oh, yep, there they are. Thanks. Thanks a bunch. That's enough." It was nice to have my sisters and mother-in-law come and see me. (two at at time, though. Thanks again, little amigo.)
I remember being soooo thirsty! That was bothering me way more than the contractions (while I was still trying to handle them on my own) Goodness, what I would've done for a big ole glass of water! Nope, just ice chips for me. There was still the possibility of needing to have a C-Section so I couldn't eat or drink. I really REALLY didn't want one. Still, I obediently ate the Jello and vegetable broth (oh my barf. Why is that even an option to order?)
I was progressing well, then all of a sudden I started to feel the contractions again (I had already been saved by the Epidural Man. ((official title))) The nurse hadn't checked on me for awhile, so I asked her to come in. She checked me, and informed me that I was at a ten and ready to go! Whoaaaaaaa. That fear returned of actually HAVING James. "I'm not ready! I'm not ready!" I cried to my mom. Oh, but I soon forgot about the fear because of the PAIN.
Every single fiber of my being (ha) was screaming at me to push. Holy crap, I can't describe it. The nurse told me that my doctor had gone into an emergency C-Section, and that I couldn't start pushing. So, I had to suck it up and wait. I have never EVER been in so much pain. My body was so incredibly angry that I wasn't allowing it to push. So, it tortured me. His head was so far down. The pressure was breathtaking. I've never been in labor before, but that feeling of needing to push is unmistakable. But, she told me not to push. The contractions were so close and so strong. I waited for 45 minutes. I told the nurse I couldn't wait anymore. I just couldn't. It was SO BAD. I think she saw the look of death on my sweaty face, and agreed to let me start pushing. She had been a nurse for 30 years, so she knew what she was doing. As soon as I started pushing, the heavens opened and I could hear birds singing. I saw rainbows and happy kitties playing with happy puppies. It was an AMAZING feeling of relief. My body stopped being a jerk, and the pain went away. Good grief, I cannot TELL you how good it felt to start pushing! I was the happiest girl who ever lived. I felt awesome!
Not long after that, my doctor rushed in. I only pushed for a little over a half an hour before James made his debut. He came out, and was placed on my chest for two brief seconds. Through my tears, I stroked his tiny head of dark hair and said, "Hi, Baby." They whisked him away so fast I couldn't believe it. I was sad I didn't get to hold him and cuddle him for a minute. They sent him straight to the NICU, so I didn't get to hold him at all! He was born 3 pounds 14 ounces after 29 hours of labor. He was perfect, just tiny. I was so relieved! Oh, his face! His face was perfect! When Spencer and I got to go see him for the first time, I couldn't believe that he was ours! All of my fear went away and I just LOVED him. He didn't need any help breathing because his lungs were perfectly developed. What a blessing! I was so worried! He was just small!
That night I woke up every three hours to try and pump since I couldn't nurse him. Good GRIEF that machine HURTS. Especially if your body wasn't ready to make milk yet! I was diligent and was able to start getting some milk pumped for James. I really wanted to nurse.
It was hard to just visit him instead of having him to hold and care for. We had to leave him in the hospital for two weeks. Spencer and I decided to stay at home since we literally lived down the street from LDS Hospital. I continued to pump every three hours so I could deliver milk to James every day. I also got a sweet frozen supply going in my freezer. I had so much! (that gave people a good little jolt when they opened up my freezer. Haha!)
After those long two weeks, it was fun to bring him home. It was fun to have our James with us. He is a blessing in our lives and I'm glad I can trust that Heavenly Father knows more than I do. (duh!) That Little James has a purpose. He needed to come when he did. I love him more every day, and wouldn't change a thing. (well...maybe I would rethink ordering the vegetable broth) Oh, That James!!!!!
