Monday, January 24, 2011

That James 2

    Whoa. I know it's been a long time since I last wrote. What, like a buttload of months? Well, there's a GREAT excuse for that. I have a GREAT excuse. I was uh...I the shower. Yeah. It was a long one. So refreshing. Uh huh. Showering it up. So, now I'm clean and ready to go. I only speak the truth. Anyways, what was I saying?
    Oh, ok, so we went in to have an ultrasound the morning of our anniversary. Spencer had a bunch of surprises planned and I was extremely excited. He's the best surprise-giver. Wow, I love that boy. I was also happy about the fact that we would get to have an ultrasound and see how that James was progressing.
    We went...aaaaaaand it wasn't good. The doctor said that my water had dropped by half since last week, and James hadn't grown since our last ultrasound. He said, "We'd better get him out today." Ohhhhhhhhhhh kay. Seriously?! I felt like throwing up for several reasons. Allow me to enlighten you;
    A. What if James wasn't ok? If they were worried enough to say he needed to come out five weeks early, something wasn't right. 2. My body sucked at being pregnant! What in the world? I mean, good night, how many women get pregnant and are just fine? I wanted to start punching myself to let my body know how disappointed I was in it's performance, but I figured the doctors would be slightly concerned if I started beating on my body. D. It was my anniversary! Sheesh! I didn't want to share it! Plus, now all of Spencer's surprises were ruined! I am a ruiner! 7. I wasn't ready! I figured I needed the rest of the five weeks to mentally prepare. There's no other way to describe it...I was terrified to have that baby! So, in short, I was admitted to the hospital.
    I think the nurses thought I was a basket case because I could NOT stop crying. (refer back to reasons A-7) I blubbered and bawled all afternoon. Spencer then informed me that for our anniversary, he had booked a hotel room in Park City for two nights. Also, we would be missing Thriller, the Jazz game, and my favorite restaurant, The Bombay House. I started crying harder. I knew that James was way more important, but I could still be sad.
    My mom and dad rushed to the hospital. It's a wonder they understood me on the phone through my heaving sobs. At the time, they had that idiotic rule that only two people could be in the room at a time because of the Swine Flu. Remember the Swine Flu? So stupid. So, when my mom and dad got there, Spencer had to go downstairs. I was so ticked at the Swine Flu. THANKS a bunch, kid in Mexico who played with pigs. You're making my day lots better! (that's what I was thinking. I also thought about sending him a mean letter in the mail. I'm mean.)
    My doctor came in with a sad look on your face. "It's your anniversary!" she said. We had gotten close since I practically lived at her office. I started crying harder. Anyways, enough of my ridiculous behavior. I'm pretty ashamed of how I was acting and being so negative about everything.
    SO, they started me on Pitocin. (Spencer kept running around talking to people on the phone telling them that they had started me on "Plitocin." It was cute, so I didn't correct him for awhile.) They didn't want to do a C-Section, so we began on the long journey of inducing labor. It took tons of time for me to start feeling contractions. I knew that I wanted to have an Epidural, though. If I can help myself out of pain, I'm gonna do it. I'm not knocking any of you mothers out there who opted to handle labor without any help, I'm just saying that for me, I wanted to be comfortable and relaxed so I could enjoy the experience. I waited a little before I asked for it, though. I wanted to feel really strong ones. Then I was like, "Oh, yep, there they are. Thanks. Thanks a bunch. That's enough." It was nice to have my sisters and mother-in-law come and see me. (two at at time, though. Thanks again, little amigo.)
    I remember being soooo thirsty! That was bothering me way more than the contractions (while I was still trying to handle them on my own) Goodness, what I would've done for a big ole glass of water! Nope, just ice chips for me. There was still the possibility of needing to have a C-Section so I couldn't eat or drink. I really REALLY didn't want one. Still, I obediently ate the Jello and vegetable broth (oh my barf. Why is that even an option to order?)
    I was progressing well, then all of a sudden I started to feel the contractions again (I had already been saved by the Epidural Man. ((official title))) The nurse hadn't checked on me for awhile, so I asked her to come in. She checked me, and informed me that I was at a ten and ready to go! Whoaaaaaaa. That fear returned of actually HAVING James. "I'm not ready! I'm not ready!" I cried to my mom. Oh, but I soon forgot about the fear because of the PAIN.
    Every single fiber of my being (ha) was screaming at me to push. Holy crap, I can't describe it. The nurse told me that my doctor had gone into an emergency C-Section, and that I couldn't start pushing. So, I had to suck it up and wait. I have never EVER been in so much pain. My body was so incredibly angry that I wasn't allowing it to push. So, it tortured me. His head was so far down. The pressure was breathtaking. I've never been in labor before, but that feeling of needing to push is unmistakable. But, she told me not to push. The contractions were so close and so strong. I waited for 45 minutes. I told the nurse I couldn't wait anymore. I just couldn't. It was SO BAD. I think she saw the look of death on my sweaty face, and agreed to let me start pushing. She had been a nurse for 30 years, so she knew what she was doing. As soon as I started pushing, the heavens opened and I could hear birds singing. I saw rainbows and happy kitties playing with happy puppies. It was an AMAZING feeling of relief. My body stopped being a jerk, and the pain went away. Good grief, I cannot TELL you how good it felt to start pushing! I was the happiest girl who ever lived. I felt awesome!
    Not long after that, my doctor rushed in. I only pushed for a little over a half an hour before James made his debut. He came out, and was placed on my chest for two brief seconds. Through my tears, I stroked his tiny head of dark hair and said, "Hi, Baby." They whisked  him away so fast I couldn't believe it. I was sad I didn't get to hold him and cuddle him for a minute. They sent him straight to the NICU, so I didn't get to hold him at all! He was born 3 pounds 14 ounces after 29 hours of labor. He was perfect, just tiny. I was so relieved! Oh, his face! His face was perfect! When Spencer and I got to go see him for the first time, I couldn't believe that he was ours! All of my fear went away and I just LOVED him. He didn't need any help breathing because his lungs were perfectly developed. What a blessing! I was so worried! He was just small!
    That night I woke up every three hours to try and pump since I couldn't nurse him. Good GRIEF that machine HURTS. Especially if your body wasn't ready to make milk yet! I was diligent and was able to start getting some milk pumped for James. I really wanted to nurse.
    It was hard to just visit him instead of having him to hold and care for. We had to leave him in the hospital for two weeks. Spencer and I decided to stay at home since we literally lived down the street from LDS Hospital. I continued to pump every three hours so I could deliver milk to James every day. I also got a sweet frozen supply going in my freezer. I had so much! (that gave people a good little jolt when they opened up my freezer. Haha!)
   After those long two weeks, it was fun to bring him home. It was fun to have our James with us. He is a blessing in our lives and I'm glad I can trust that Heavenly Father knows more than I do. (duh!) That Little James has a purpose. He needed to come when he did. I love him more every day, and wouldn't change a thing. (well...maybe I would rethink ordering the vegetable broth) Oh, That James!!!!!

Thursday, September 9, 2010


During the last part of the semester at LDSBC, I started feeling sick a lot. I figured it was my "lack of immune system" acting up. Honestly, though, if I even hear about someone being sick, I miraculously also contract the illness. It's slightly pathetic. (but I have a great personality.....) Anyways, I didn't think much of it. However, when it continued and wouldn't go away, I got a little bit of a sinking feeling...

Spencer and I had only been married for over 3 months. We for sure, defiantly, and REALLY wanted to have children, but a teensy bit in the future. Spencer was preparing for his Russian exam in order to apply for the FBI. He was also finishing up school at the U. (GO UTES!) I was attending LDSBC studying in their Interior Design program. (GO...uhhhh....LDSBC MASCOT!) At the time, we were staying at my aunt and uncle's house. They were serving a mission in New York, and kindly let me, Spencer, my sister Shari, and her husband Kenton live there while they were gone. It was a big house, and we all got along SO WELL. Good crap, that was fun! We shared food and cleaning duties, all had callings in the Primary in the ward, and hung out every night. It was seriously a dream. My aunt had just let us know that her son sold his home, and would need to move in soon. We would be homeless in two weeks. Stink.

Knowing that we would be homeless soon, that Spencer and I were both busy with school and work, and that we were totally unprepared made me feel RIDICULOUSLY uneasy about my uneasy stomach. For some reason, I KNEW I was pregnant. I kept talking myself out of it, but it kept circling back to the same thought - that we would have a baby soon. I was on birth control for heaven's sake! How could I be pregnant?! Well, thanks to some pregnancy tests, it was brought to our knowledge that we would be parents. I bawled the entire night. Not tears, but heaving, giant sobs. Spencer was way better than I was. (although he had kind of a glazed over stare and an expressionless face while he watched TV that night.) I had an enormous project to finish that night for school, so I sat at the table, cried, worried, and did my project for school.

Reading this now, I feel very selfish. I was! There are so many couples in the world who can't have children of their own - so many that have unbelievably heavy trials. I was a monster to complain! I thought of all of that too, and it made me cry harder because I felt horrible for being such a jerk. It was rough, too, because I missed out on being excited about the situation. Like, surprising Spencer with a positive test, telling my family in a fun way (instead of trying to talk to my mom through my pathetic sobbing) and just generally being happy about the prospect of being a mother.

My pregnancy was a little rough. I was really sick. (hahaha, once I told Spencer to hurry and stop the car because I had to ralph. We stopped right in front of our apartment building in Salt Lake. I threw myself out of the car and onto the ground in an incredibly dramatic fashion (that's how I roll..) I barfed up watermelon in the gutter as several people watched. ((why were so many people right outside our building?!)) It was really awesome. I hope I have that memory until I die. So great.) Anyways, so I forgot to tell you that my cousin TJ found us an apartment right downtown. That's a whole separate story, so you just need to hang on until I write about that later. Stop being such babies.

Wanna know something? I KNEW that I had a little BOY growing inside me. I just KNEW IT. It was a boy. I would’ve been confident enough to not find out the sex of the baby and still buy boy things and clothes. I knew it! When the ultrasound tech told us it was a boy, I was not surprised ONE BIT. Spencer jumped up and down. It was so cute. We were gonna have a Baby James!

The pregnancy also gave me high blood pressure. They watched me like a hawk. (they also had actual hawks watching, the birds...yeah? No? Ok.) I must’ve peed in 10,000 cups. (good visual) There were some weeks when I visited the doctor four times. I HATE going to the doctors. I felt cursed. The only good thing about being pregnant was feeling James inside me. I loved that! He was a mover! Seriously, though, that was the only good thing. I’ve decided I’m not good at being pregnant. Some people suck at math or drawing..I suck at being pregnant. Whoops.

Spencer and I were married October 14th, 2008. It was nearing our first anniversary. Spencer had a bunch of fun surprises planned. He was taking me away somewhere. I was so excited!!! The day of our anniversary we had an ultrasound scheduled. I was exactly 35 weeks pregnant. We thought that was cute that we were gonna see our James on the morning of our anniversary….little did we know…………………………….TO BE CONTINUED! Hahahahahaha! Love, Sara

Monday, August 23, 2010


 **Before you read any of this, please note that I could write a series of novels about this whole story. I have a great memory (I'm awesome) and I can recall almost every little detail about my Spencer Stories. I just wanted to give a little lick (not even a taste. A lick is smaller than a taste. Says me.) So, now that you understand, go ahead**
   I was standing in the circle courtyard outside of the mission office waiting for my new companion when I turned and saw an elder coming towards me that I had only seen/talked to once.
  "You got transferred to Vyborg, huh? I just came from there. It's a cool place." I smiled and nodded. He was holding onto the straps of his backpack and smiling at me with GORGEOUS eyes. (I'm totally an eye girl. That's the first thing I noticed.) Someone excitedly shouted his name, and he sprinted off to talk to a group of elders. That was my first real encounter with "Hildebrand," or "Hildy," as most of the elders called him. We were never in the same area, so I only heard about him. Good gosh, EVERYONE always talked about him. Both the members, and elders. He was known as being hilarious, charismatic, fun, and really good at Russian. I didn't think much of it then. (good thing, cause I was on a mission.)
    So, after the mission, I invited a bunch of mission friends to a Jazz game with me. Gotta spread the goodness of the Jazz. It didn't even cross my mind even a little bit to invite "Hildebrand"- we never served together. So, after the game we decided to go to Denny's (the epitome of class) To make a long story short, someone called Hildebrand because they knew that he lived in Salt Lake. They told him to come over, and he did. He sat there, smiling with his hot eyes, and complaining about how no one invited him. Whoops. I felt bad. So, the next time that I planned a Jazz party, I made sure to invite him. I tried my best to be cute and funny, because I began to be really really interested in him, because he was hot and funny, and had really nice arms, and was basically my dream boy. All those things.
    After that, we started to hang out. A LOT. We would either be hanging out, chatting online, or texting. I fell in love with him so fast. I introduced him to the DELIGHT of Roy, he met all of my family, I met almost all of his, we went to St. George together, we saw EVERY movie together, we watched a ton of games together, we went to Thriller, yadda yadda yadda. I could go on and on. We were BEST FRIENDS. (we almost got tattoos) It was SO easy to be with him. Our personalities were so similar. I'm pretty sure he sensed how much I liked him, but I'm a big-time pansy about stuff like that, so I never really came right out and told him. I had never had a boyfriend. I didn't know how that all worked. In high school, I was the "fun one," not the "girlfriend material one." Oh well. So, we were basically dating, but not. We would go out to dinner and movie, just us, and it was just "hanging out."
     He would tell me about dates he would go on, and I pretty much wanted to hang myself...and then come back as a ghost to haunt and eventually hang all those girls he went out with. (too offensive? Violent?) Sometimes when it was just us alone, he would hold my hand. BUTTERFLIES! Let's just say that I was fully confused. I tried soooo many times to stop liking him. No matter what I did, I ended up clinging to my phone or the computer waiting for some communication from him. This went on for about a year and a half. Yeah, I know. Everyone that I knew, besides Spencer, knew how much I loved him. Unfortunately, I was just too scared to tell him.
    After a long long time, I decided I needed to give up a little bit. If he thought I was beautiful, fun, and wonderful, he would've done something about it by now- that was my train of thought. So, my friend in my home ward set me up on a blind date. He turned out to be really fun, cute, and this is the kicker..he liked me right away! So, I went on a few dates with him.
    So, one night Spencer and I were having dinner together. As we were eating, I was discreetly trying to text this boy that I had been on a few dates with. Spencer asked me who I was texting. I figured he didn't care since A. Spencer didn't like me like that. 2. We were just best friends having dinner. D. Spencer didn't like me like that. I told him who I was texting, and he asked me if I was going on another date with him. I told him yes, and THEN...his face went WHITE. He stopped eating and talking. I knew something was wrong, because I KNEW him so well. It took the rest of the night to get him to tell me what was wrong. I had a little tiny inkling that he was bothered that I was going on dates with someone else, but I figured that couldn't possibly be it. THIS IS WHAT HE FINALLY SAID, "When I think about you with another guy, it makes me sick." He told me that in the restaurant he felt nauseous. OH MY GOSH, CAN I JUST TELL YOU ABOUT MY ELATION?! I felt so bad about my blind date boy, because he was so kind to me, and I started to like him, but SPENCER SAID HE LIKED ME!
    We had a little talk that night about why he didn't want to date me before. He didn't want a girlfriend at the time, he didn't want to mess up our friendship, we met on our mission, we had all the same friends, blah blah blah. He reassured me about how he thought I was beautiful, smart, funny, and his favorite person to be with.Those reasons seemed dumb to him then, and he decided that he wanted me to date him. OF COURSE I agreed!
    So there you go. I had a boyfriend. We had an absolutely blissful time dating. (It was an amazingly easy transition!) Soon after that, we were engaged, and then married. I know that I am supposed to be with him. I know it with all of my heart. When we were sealed, our Sealer suddenly stopped talking, sat forward, and said, "I have just received an impression to tell you two that you are meant to be together." WHOA!  I am so lucky. I will never take my Spencer for granted. I can't believe that I got EXACTLY what I wanted. I fall more in love each day, and could go on and on about how much I love him and why. The End. (But not really, cause we've only been married for almost two years.)

Friday, August 13, 2010

Friday the 13th..

     Aren't I trendy?? I'm blogging. (that's such an incredibly ugly word.) Here's the thing...I didn't have one for so long because it reminded me a little of scrapbooking. I'd rather take one of those "extreme scissors" (you know those? With crazy and extreme designs?) and shove them through my eye than scrapbook. But here's the other thing, I LOVE TO WRITE. I would by no means call myself a professional writer, I just think that I express myself well through writing. So, here I am. Blogging (dry-heave. Due to word grossness.) Funny how I like to use these so much, huh?- (....) (anyways...)
     Well....what should I talk about on my first, online diary? Well, the predictable, cliche thing would be to talk about myself, and since those two words- predictable and cliche, sum up my entire personality and beliefs, that's what I'll do.
     Sara- it means "princess" in Hebrew. Every time I made a new friend in Elementary School, I informed them of this, thinking I would get some sort of special attention. Worked 34% (approximately) of the time. I am an extreme (just like scrapbooking scissors) Utah Jazz fan. I started liking them in the 3rd grade, and would always pride myself on the fact that I could spout off more stats and facts than any other boy in my class. I will always be loyal. Karl Malone, however, can suck it. You too, Boozer. My favorite movies are the "Rocky" series. I love everything about his character. He resembles my dad, and is a boxer like my Grandpa Gayle. He's humble, kind, determined, and passionate. Everything I want to be. TV is funny. Particularly Seinfeld, The Office, and Malcolm in the Middle. What's with all the cop dramas and hospital shows? Don't be predictable and cliche (cause I'm not.....) Want to see a cop show? Watch Cops. There will ALWAYS be someone without a shirt on, a barking dog, beer, and mullets. You can't beat that. That's entertainment. I LOVE makeup. It's kind of a problem/obsession. I have gigantic eyes, so I gotta do something with them. I love to decorate and design. I attended LDSBC for a minute and was in their Interior Design program. My plans to finish fast were altered, but I know that everything happens for a reason. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I am grateful for what I KNOW to be true, and I will never deny it. The Church is true. That's what I know. I had the opportunity to serve a mission for the Church. I served in Saint Petersburg, Russia. I owe everything good in my life right now to Russia, because that's where I met my Spencer. He served there too. WE WEREN'T EVER IN THE SAME DISTRICT AND MAYBE TALKED TWICE, SO DON'T ROLL YOUR EYES AND SAY "OH, YOU WERE THAT KIND OF MISSIONARY." Gosh. He's my match, my eternal companion, my best friend, my lover, and supporter. He's perfect. I am madly in love with him. I could fill up 20,000 blogs talking about how much I love him and why. We have a little boy names James. THE James. He's absolutely adorable. He's not too cuddly..he likes to shove my face away when I kiss him, but I know he loves me. He'll be ten months on the fifteenth. I love my family! (cliche to say, but true!)
     I'll probably break down a few of the things I talked about in future online diary posts. (ha!) I just wanted to get something written for today. Friday the 13th! Because Halloween is the greatest holiday there is. Till next time, Sara